Day 1:
I feel much calm now disconnecting myself from social media and the people I used to talk. I can still feel pain in my stomach where the operation did. I can't move properly. I can drink the beverages well and my stomach is working well. I feel like I'm renewed and all I need is unplugging from everything. This is the great rare chance that I can focus on my own self and take care of my mental and body. I really have a lot of unfinished business to work on. I was losing my identity for months and was just looking out opportunities for the money and growth for my career. I ignored to care and appreciate for the things I have which are my family, good friends and small little precious things I have. Plus, I did mess up by wanting the things I can not have and own.
I was such a bitch that I keep complaining about having mental issues which I named it Bipolar. The worst thing is I didn't try to get up or cure it and making the issues grow by giving up so easily. I was just faking things showing off on social media that I was working hard no matter what happened in life. I was faking that I'm an ideal that everyone should look up to although I was very much fucked up inside. I was faking that I enjoyed my life and my work. I fake that my mind is beautiful and humble when I have so much rages about the people who gave me so much troubles. I was trying to be me. I was just being the person what people want me to see. I was just trying to have my revenge. I was trying to connect with people when I wasn't even connect with my own self.
I do have a lot of reasons for losing who I am. And even tho I don't completely blame on myself to become something that I am not. I am the only reason why I become like this. I do have choice not to choose things differently. And to look on the bright sides, valuable lessons can be only learnt when we have lots of things to lose.
I lose my family's love. I missed lots of opportunities to grow further like the scholarships that I have always wanted to apply. I procrastinated a lot of works and chances. I missed to treat my good friends well. I did really ignore the important things in my life by staying in my room and minding my own shits. I was being so selfish. I wasted my own time to improve myself and to study. I wasted a lot of money as well. I was the person who I never wanted to be. I changed a lot.
And it is time to change and get myself back on the track.
But I really need loads of time to call my real self back. I need so much of my alone time.
Comments
Post a Comment